Pieces of Me

During my second semester, the only class I felt comfortable in was French. That was where I first thought of the concept of there being more than one me. That sounds strange, yes, but let me explain.

Whenever I find myself in a panic attack, I tend to not remember what even happened. It's only happened twice to me, and each time, I've been described as someone completely different. I sat in class, waiting for it to start and oddly enough listening to music from Les Misérables, and I thought about that concept. It started with just myself and what my mom described as "that scary girl who yelled at me". My mind then drifted back to my first semester when I felt confident and normal. To me, that felt like another person as well.

Thus, the concept of these pieces of me was born.

It helps me personally deal with my own anxiety to think of my three parts as separate states of mind that I experience. That way I can bring them up and banish them at will. (At least, that's the hope.) So far, it's worked. The scary girl only happened twice, and neither of those times was after I started thinking of her as a girl inside my head.

Here's sort of the example. I'm going to use DreamSelfy to help me since my strength is in writing, not drawing. (Now you're all going to know that I love animus and mangos.)


This is Kayla. She goes by the name Tiki, and she's a writer. She loves playing video games and roleplaying on Tumblr. She likes to talk to her friends on Skype. She's a big fan of photography as well. Being alone isn't her favorite thing, and that's why she sometimes gets stressed out. When she's too stressed, she faints, and another takes her place.

This other is Lyka. Lyka is afraid of everything, and she uses anger to cope. She has a hard time breathing, curling up into a ball and holding onto a plush doll to keep herself from crying too much and too hard. She may be scary, but she's easily hurt, too. She's like Kayla in the respect that she gets stressed. She just handles it
differently. She has to get through it somehow. She'll do it in any way she can even if it means hurting others. Unfortunately, Kayla usually gets the blame for it.

When Kayla is feeling determined, she zones out. When she zones out, Kyla comes into play. She's a diligent worker, unable to be distracted by anything (except her favorite video game or TV show characters). She studies in her spare time, and she attends classes, taking notes with color-coded pens and answering questions after encouraging herself that her answer is valid. She hates to be interrupted, but she's kindhearted and will help anyone who asks her if it involves something she understands. She'll even take the time to help someone find what they're looking for on campus and even in the library.

All of these are parts of me that I've found. They're all parts I can utilize and make work when I need them to. I don't consider it split personalities so much as I do putting faces to portions of me. Personifying them helps me have better control. It turns the situation into one that I feel more comfortable working with. It makes me feel like I have more control over my anxiety. That's one of the biggest steps to recovery.

If all three of them are in one place, then I can stay in control of myself and my emotions. I use Kayla's creativity and technical skills. I utilize Lyka's passion to keep herself protected from outside forces. I use Kyla's calm, cool, and collectedness to go about tasks that would make the others collapse.

All together...this is me.