It Got Real

In my English class today, we went to a presentation. We were wonderfully elected to be test subjects for this as some general education thing. I'm not sure exactly what, but a lot of professors were there observing. I think we were all also a bit too shy, especially me, who was frozen half the time like "Oh no." We had to talk about things in little groups, and my group learned that I cry when I'm out of my comfort zone. (Not because I cried, but if it had gotten any more real, I might have.)

The presenter showed us clips from the films he'd made, and one of them involved a guy who had to stop going to university. He used his time and effort to help his neighborhood, the place he literally grew up in. He wanted everyone, especially the children, to be able to eat regularly and gain some form of education. Halfway through his explanation, he burst into tears. Watching him earlier in the clip engaging with the children in their classroom and seeing how passionate he was just talking about it hit me hard. I almost started crying myself, and the rest of my class and I left without a word really. It got real.

In the beginning, we had to explain our passion and a social issue we're concerned about. All I want is everyone to be accepting of one another, specifically regarding sexuality and mental illness. (Not together, just separately even though they can be related based on circumstance.) Another thing I really want to do, which is the main point of this blog, is help others who feel anxiety, depression, or both feel confident enough to seek help and to talk about what's going on with them even if they can't describe it with words. I want to do something.

For me, on campus, it's a little weird and stressful to go into the place, get the forms, fill them out, and give them back to get accommodations and special help. (Hence why I haven't done it yet. I'm too nervous about it. I just tell my professors so they know why I might clock out or have a freak out. It just scares me.) I want to get over my own fears of that and help others who are in the same boat I am do it. If your anxiety is as bad as mine, you probably feel uncomfortable walking in there, asking for the forms, and talking with whoever you're supposed to talk to. I don't know. I feel like there should be some support thing even if it's student run. I don't know if I could do it because I'm too panicky. I suppose that's the point, though. If we're all afraid to do it, it won't happen.

I want to do something. I want to help people. I just don't know how to go about it.

I might ask my advisor for, well, advice. I want to know if such a thing exists, and if it does, why I don't know about it. If it doesn't, I want to see what we can do about making it happen.

Maybe this is a little too ambitious...but this is no time to second guess myself. For once, I want to throw that voice under the bus and let said bus turn it into roadkill.